Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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