you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
