I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
