the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
4 words: hood of his car
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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