I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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