Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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