No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
