I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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