Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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