im gay
i know
yea but for you.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
