508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she woke up with a sticky ear
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
