can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
