toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize