Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
