Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
