I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
