Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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