i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
