i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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