She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
