grandma shit on top of the toilet
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I did not marry a roomba.
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