he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
