It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
