Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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