Fuck appropriateness.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
