Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I need a burrito and a hug.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
