That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
