come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
