Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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