This beer is not sobering me up at all
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
