I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
