I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
