In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You are a genius and a whore.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
