I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
