; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
