theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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