Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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