Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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