Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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