My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Someone came in the potted fern
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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