she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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