if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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