And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
