I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
