i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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