wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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