I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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