dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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