I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
