They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
