Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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