GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
That accounts for only three of the penises
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
