Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
