Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
