Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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