I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
