so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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