ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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